Unlucky Number 13

Nick received confirmation on Black Friday that he would be deploying a week later until after the new year.  With his company's Christmas party scheduled for Friday December 5th, he finagled his way into a later flight so that he could stay and host the party.  I wish I could be more stoic when Nick delivers news like this, but I struggled mightily.  I waffled between anxious anticipation of Nick's fast approaching departure, anger that the Army perpetually pulls the rug out from under us and deep sadness that he'd miss Emmy's 5th birthday and Christmas, all the while scolding myself for being so down when I have four healthy, vibrant children, a hard working husband who loves me, a roof over my head and an abundance of food in my pantry.  I told myself that I needed to snap out of it and spend our last weekend together celebrating an early Christmas, decorating, visiting Santa and exchanging a present or two, but I couldn't shake my overwhelming disappointment.  There are times that it feels like the air is sucked out of the room and managing anything while in such a hypoxic state is an impossibility.  Nick reminded me that I've done this 13 times now, and, luckily, I know the sequence of emotions like the back of my hand.  A few days in a funk gives way to planning, then the goodbye, and then we put our heads down and get through it with the most positive attitude we can muster, God always shows up and sustains us until our sweet reunion.

As I was overcoming the pity party stage and entering the planning stage, I was thrown for another loop.  After loading the kids and groceries into the car on Thursday evening, I got a call from Nick inquiring where we were.  When I told him, he told me not to leave and that he was coming to us.  A few minutes later, he pulled up and jumped into my car.  There had been a change of plans and he needed to leave imminently.  He had already packed his bags and had come to say goodbye.  So, he worked his way around the car kissing and hugging each of the children, promising them Disney World in the spring to offer an exciting distraction and an early Christmas gift.  He was, luckily, able to come home for a couple of hours after the kids were asleep and before his flight actually departed,  I am so very grateful to have had that time with him and to be able to stick the Christmas package we'd been working on for him into his bag.  We took our pre-deployment selfie in our driveway before he drove off.  How I miss him when he's away.  He makes everything more fun.  He brings the spontaneity and excitment into my regimented world and he makes me laugh harder than anyone.  This Christmas I will so miss laughing with him over the kids' antics and savoring their joy and wonderment together, but I will carry my camera and do my best to document it all so that we can enjoy those moments together in a round-about kind of way.