Due Yesterday

Written a week ago...

The babies have already been here for nearly five weeks!  It's hard to believe in many ways, and at the same time it feels as if they've been here for so much longer.  We are madly in love with James and Julia.  Life has hit a new level of crazy, and I am trying hard to stop, take a breath, and cherish the moment despite the chaos (and not wish any of it away.)  The babies are beginning to wake up a bit more and it's wonderful to see the whites of their eyes; but I am wishing that I could clone myself to meet everyone's needs.  So far, they seem pretty content, and are usually calmed with a diaper change, a meal or some cuddles.

I am still pumping and bottle feeding exclusively, and am starting to contemplate just continuing on with this regime.  I have nursed both babies a handful of times with a shield, but we have an awfully long way to go until they are capable of taking their whole feeding that way.  Quite honestly, I don't have time to commit to practicing nursing with these two (and then to also supplement with a bottle and pump to maintain my supply until we sync up.)  Emmy and Hannah keep me on the go, so I have figured out how to pump and bottle feed both babies at the same time.  I can get it all done in 30 minutes, which is the length of a long Caillou.  I would like to keep practicing nursing during quiet time and after bed when I can focus my energy on each baby individually (and hope that their feedings are staggered to give me enough time.)  I'd really like to get nursing down eventually, but it's just not feasible while I'm being pulled in so many directions.

Another benefit of bottle feeding is that I believe the babies are sleeping for longer stretches because they are getting a significant quantity (2.5-3 ounces) quickly.  They usually go 3 (sometimes 3.5) hours from the start of one feeding to the start of the next (except for around dinner/bath/bedtime when they cluster feed, of course.)  So, being able to pump and bottle feed them both at the same time enables me to sleep for about 2-2.5 hour stretches, which is clutch in helping me to get through the day.  I'm not able to sleep at all during the day (if only the advice to sleep when the bay sleeps applied) so getting as much sleep as possible at night makes all the difference.

I've been very contemplative lately...The first day that I was on my own with both kids after Hannah was born, I recall showing up 45 minutes late to drop Emmy off at Mom's Day Out.  I was flustered as all get out chasing Emmy while carrying Hannah in the infant carrier.  I was unkempt, exhausted, and to add insult to injury, I had milk soaking through my shirt.  My girlfriend and Emmy's then-teacher told me, "Ali, it's never going to be as hard as it is right now.  You are figuring out your bag of tricks, and so next time it will be easier."  I can't say how many times I've given myself that pep talk.  Man if I'd told that Ali chasing Emmy with Hannah in an infant carrier that I'd one day be chasing Emmy and Hannah with two infant carriers I think I would've died.  I have been figuring out my new bag of tricks through trial by fire.  My first challenge after Mom left was picking the big girls up from Mom's Day Out while toting both of the infant carriers up the steps to the front door.  It was a total clown show.  I did it three times before I determined that I needed a double snap and go stroller and to go through the back handicap entrance to avoid the stairs.  Luckily, I found the stroller at a local consignment store (I collect strollers like some people collect shoes) and discussed my plan with the director.  The next drop off went much smoother.  This sort of problem-solving happens hourly in my home, but I must say, it's building my confidence!  

Emmy's behavior is improving, particularly because I've been more present and have therefore been able to be much more consistent.  It seems that one of the triggers to naughty behavior is when I am redirecting her from the babies.  She loves to hug and kiss them and just be in their faces.  Each time I have to remind her to give them some space so that they can breathe fresh air, she starts with the attitude.  It's definitely been frustrating.  Sissy also loves to be near the babies, she will go and rest her head on them while they are in their infant seats.  It's very sweet, but I have to watch her like a hawk so that she isn't too rough (or try to pick them up as I witnessed her doing one time.)  My only goals for the day are to ensure that everyone is fed and safe.  It's a full time job, with plenty of overtime.

We decided to have newborn photos taken of the babies, and I was so grateful that the photographer fit us in on her day off.  She said that they get really excited to photograph twins; I was honored to be the beneficiary.  Newborn photography is not cheap, but I will say that the two photographers that worked on our photo shoot earned EVERY red cent as well as my admiration.  As Nick put it, watching the ladies get the babies to sleep and position them was like watching someone build a tower out of a deck of playing cards.  The babies would wake up, need to be put back to sleep (which these ladies did MASTERFULLY) and give it another go.  We were there for three and a half hours, but I am ticked by the preview photo that we received. :) We are chomping at the bit to see the rest of them! :)

A quiet moment.  Heaven on earth!

Emmy loves writing her name these days, particularly with sidewalk chalk on the deck...and once on the walls in our entryway.