To Our Dear Family and Friends,
I’ve had our Christmas cards for a month already, but a frustrating case of writer’s block has delayed their mailing. How do I speak of this unspeakable year? A global pandemic, heartbreaking social and political unrest, widespread destruction from historic natural disasters, and those are just some of what made the news. Not to mention the personal challenges, occurring at a social distance, under a mask, and behind closed doors. The heaviness of this year has seemed insurmountable at times.
Last fall, I learned about choosing a “guiding word” as a theme for the year. It seemed helpful on my quest to become a non-anxious presence, so I prayed for wisdom. Interestingly, the word that kept surfacing in my mind was “reorder.” That word made a lot more sense after the text from the kids’ school indicated that we would be establishing “The Horn School Home School” on March 16th. Nick’s travel ceased and his office building shut down, so for the first time in the history of “Team Horn” all six of us resided under one roof 24/7. After a visit from my hyper-anxious self, I chose to delight in our new “forced rest.” Retreat to advance, right? After all, it was for just three weeks. We played games, tried new recipes, nurtured our new sourdough starter, sewed masks, made puppets to learn ventriloquism, built legos, read books, watched nostalgic movies, knit, had dance parties, cuddled with Molly, and the kids marveled over seeing their classmates’ pets on Zoom. We accomplished tasks on the to-do list that had been put off in our prior frenetic pace: Nick cleaned out the garage, fine-tuned his home gym, and built the kids a playset in our newly landscaped backyard (which we, thankfully, had the foresight to complete in February.) I was able to reorganize our family photos, compile and edit home videos and I even cleaned the oven. Thanks to Youtube, I also learned how to cut hair and groom dog fur with the same old clippers.
But then my hypothetical finish line elapsed, we hit the limits of our introversion, Facetime lost its appeal, you-tube quarantine parodies were overplayed, boredom ensued, the (my) war on screens raged, intra-family conflict was incessant, and as luck would have it, plantar fasciitis sidelined me from my stress-management exercise regime. It’s like the sea of distraction was drained exposing the dysfunction that lay beneath, and there was no choice but to face it. This year has stretched me well beyond my previously known limits, exposed faulty thought patterns, and tested my capacity to love others well. It also revealed some broken places where I blindly placed my hope that returned to me void. This year has left me on my knees.
I have needed to pray hard for eyes to see God’s goodness in all of this and for the grace to endure it. Through it, I’ve found that when I contemplate His perfect character, instead of my struggle, I begin to notice His blessings and the heaviness lifts. You become what you give your attention to, I suppose. There are so many things that we’ve learned and experienced that wouldn’t have been possible had we not faced the unique trials that have come this year.
We’re learning about each others’ complexities; talents, perspectives, character, strengths, areas for growth, needs, limits, and without question, pet peeves. We are learning how to love each other, especially when we are being unlovely, because we seriously have nowhere else to go. Our appetites are being reset; and we’re learning resilience and flexibility.
We’ve reimagined quality time with each other and our loved ones. We have so many precious new memories. Among them are drive-by celebrations, like the surprise “thank you” parade for Emmy’s beloved teacher last spring. After two months of their only contact being on Zoom, the soon-to-be fifth graders basked in their together-ness, masked and sitting on their respective car rooftops, cheering for Mrs. Lucht as their theme song “Brave” blared in the background. It was utter joy. We celebrated Easter on my 92 year old Grandpa’s driveway with a puppet show from the back of our minivan, and James had us all in stitches when his puppet went rogue with an emphatic rendition of Parrell Williams’ “Happy.” I watched Julia participate in her Kindergarten Zoom call wearing one pair of pajamas for a solid six weeks. Her determination should never be questioned. Neither should Hannah’s after she did an astounding 1000 jumping
December 2020
jacks to conquer the upper graders’ P.E. physical challenge. You might not realize this, but you lose feeling in your hands and feet when you do that. Just so you know.
James insisted that he film his Bible Memory Verse recitations while sitting, precariously, on top of the monkey bars.
My intense fear of heights were tested as his camerawoman. We had our 1st annual Horn Family Olympics to celebrate Poppy’s birthday; complete with a water balloon toss, raft races and a belly flop contest (an event where even the winner loses.) We had a make-shift 4th of July parade with flag-adorned bikes, costumes, dogs and patriotic music.
We paced in front of my parents’ house for a good 15 minutes before cannonballing into their pool. Emmy presented a baby blanket she lovingly knit for my dear childhood friend, Annie’s, sweet baby boy. It was her biggest project ever, and she determinedly knit two rows a day for 4 months. It’s length served as an impressive illustration of how much time we spent at home.
We’ve watched hours of home videos and have since adopted Hannah’s hilarious toddler-isms into our family vernacular. James and Julia had a boys versus girls around-town birthday “scavenger” hunt, their teams were made up of their grandparents, aunts, uncles and all of their cousins. Notably, James learned about trespassing when he and his men jumped a locked fence to kick a field goal on the local high school football field, us girls opted to keep our noses clean. Except for when we did cartwheels on a busy Saturday morning golf course. To borrow James’ phrase, it was epic! We had a traveling Halloween party with games to collect candy in each of our family members’ yards; one of my favorites was the easter egg “hunt” with a freeze dance component. The girls’ got to take full advantage of the flapper costumes they excitedly helped design and create. We had a weekend get-away to the majestic Redwoods for Nick and the kids this summer and an idyllic three days exploring Donner Lake as a family this fall. Both were welcomed changes of scenery and refreshing for the soul.
Nick took a new job this August as the COO of Bonney, an HVAC, plumbing and electrical company based (for now) in Sacramento, with the intent of expanding to the bay area in the near future. We are grateful for his work and the provision for our family, and are trying to take fuller advantage of the time he is at home now. The kids’ school taught us all an important lesson about creativity, fortitude and the power of prayer when it reopened it’s physical doors to our students on October 19th. While school looks a lot different now, the kids are thriving in the company of their friends and teachers everyday.
It’s appropriate that my rightful hope is being renewed this Advent season, after a year of actively reordering my heart through the trials that have come our way. We are celebrating Jesus, Emmanuel, “God With Us,” who stepped out of Glory in Heaven, to take the form of a vulnerable newborn baby, and entered into the broken human experience. He recklessly and unfathomably loved through every circumstance, affliction, injustice and atrocity that he endured, showing us how and then enabled us to spend eternity with Him in Heaven. There is no greater love or hope than His. I am so comforted knowing that God doesn’t ask us to face an earthly trial that He hasn’t already walked before us, and that He is with us, guiding us every step of the way.
May I pray for you?
Heavenly Father, I pray now for whomever’s hands are holding this letter. That you would protect them and keep them in this tumultuous time we are facing. I pray that you would steady them and meet their every need as it comes. Lord, please draw near and carry their burdens. Please take any overwhelm, anxiety and fear plaguing their hearts and replace it with comfort, peace that transcends all understanding, hope and even joy. Lord, may they not only know the definition of Your Perfect Love, but feel the goodness of it in their soul. Your Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things, hopes all things. Your love never ends. May they be filled with your Love in this blessed season and forever. In Jesus’ name.
With love and huge blessings,
Ali, Nick, Emmy, Hannah, Julia & James Horn
