Job...

...As in the Book of Job in the Bible. It's the focus of our study in church group right now and has felt rather applicable during this chapter in our lives.  While I am far from a Bible scholar, I understand that God allows a pious man named Job's faith to be tested through a series of horrific tragedies imposed on him by Satan.

Last Sunday, our pastor was discussing that, unlike Job, we must have supportive relationships in place for when tragedy strikes.  He said that there is a difference between the relationships that will survive crisis and those that will not.  I believe that, through all the tests that Nick and I have been given lately, I have a great deal more clarity on that point.

We agree that God has blessed us richly with close relationships, and, through the many obstacles that we have endured, it is even more apparent with whom those relationships exist.  We have been so moved by the outpouring of prayer, love, support, empathy, encouraging words, thoughtful text messages, heartfelt facebook messages, empowering e-mails, gentle phone calls, beautiful flowers, physically nourishing meals, meaningful cards and packages.  We have been graced with acts of kindness and words of affirmation that were free of strings and expectations, that came from the most pure and compassionate of places.

In light of the crash, and now it's aftermath, it has been made clear that trivial drama is merely a distraction in this purpose driven life.  I understand and embrace that God teaches us to love the unloveable and to forgive, even when it is not sought after.  I also understand that those experiences help us to better distinguish those relationships that God has strategically armed us with to fulfill what He has called us to do.

Sometimes it's easy to get disillusioned and to think that God has asked too much of us; this task He has placed in our way is too heavy a burden for us to carry.  But then I receive yet another gentle reminder, as with the Book of Job, that I am not in control, He is, and He has blessed me with what I need to persevere: compassionate friendships, a trustworthy and selfless family, a happy and healthy baby girl and an inspirational leader for a husband.  Who can fail with that dream team like that?  Not me.

Halloweenie!

Emmy and I celebrated this spooky holiday with a bunch of our friends from church at a hallo"weenie" roast!  It was so much fun!  Our little ballerina especially loved sitting out by the fire pit. :-)

The best group shot by a landslide.

Our first born.

Looking a little perplexed but better than looking a little ticked.

Pre-gamein' it.

A little peeved that mom left her side momentarily.

Recovering.

Emmy LOVED hanging out by the firepit!

The happiest picture is at the end of the night and is way past bedtime (go figure)...Loving the crazy hair!

Been There Done That

Well it wasn't pretty but it's DONE!  13.1 miles in 2 hours 18 minutes and 25 seconds; and I ran each and every bit of it!  I averaged a 10 minute 35 second mile and placed 31/53 in my age group and 326 out of 491 overall, which is hugely satisfying to see now because I was certain that I was dead last given how many people passed me by.  (Don't EVER start in the front because it messes with your mind the remainder of the race!  Lesson learned.)  There was a great benefit to bringing up the rear of our Lancer Lady team, though, because they came and ran with me the last quarter of a mile of the race, up until the final stretch to the finish when they pushed me to sprint in on my own.  No man left behind on the battlefield, but the same is true for those of us warriors on the home front.  That's just an example of the families I am privileged enough to work with.  Other spouses came out to take pictures and to cheer for us at the start and finish lines, I will post the photo documentation of my participation once I can steal them from facebook.  For now, I am kicking up my feet while my sweet angel naps, because I know she wont cut me any slack when she wakes up. :)  I'm one obstacle closer to having my love home, and it feels damn good.

Team Lancer Pre-race!

It was a balmy 40 degrees when we arrived...none of us were prepared for the temp!

Goofing off to keep warm.

Here I go...

...2hrs 18min later (I kind of look like I'm standing on the finish line.)

Mission: ACCOMPLISHED!!!!

Nick on FOX

Fox VideoNick was interviewed about our fallen soldiers by a reporter for the Geraldo At Large show yesterday. He had no idea when it would air, so I set the DVR to record every show indefinitely.  A couple of my wonderful friends from church group texted me last night to let me know that Nick was on TV!  Fortunately, there was an encore showing a bit later so that I could give the rest of our Lancer families and families of our fallen a heads up.  I broke out the Flip to make a bootleg video of the story.  He did an incredible job speaking on behalf of the entire company, I guess that's what makes him the right man for his job.  He is an exceptional leader.  I just can't get enough of seeing his handsome face. :)  

The link to the official Fox video:

http://video.foxnews.com/v/4386125/remembering-the-blackhawk-soldiers 

My ghetto bootleg version, which I refuse to take down, because I spent so long trying to get it uploaded...I'm stubborn like that.

Running to Afghanistan

Our "Walk To Afghanistan" challenge has far exceeded my wildest expectations! As of last month, our Lancer families have walked, swam, biked or run 6,425.21 miles to bridge the 10,644 mile distance between us and our soldiers!  Incredible!  This challenge sparked another.  Our half marathoner and tri-athlete spouse encouraged us all to participate, as a team, in the Clarksville Half Marathon on October 30th.  At first, I humored her, and agreed to send out e-mails to "drum up" participation, not really thinking it would happen.  


The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I don't have anything to lose by running the race except for a few extra pounds and a mile-high stress level.  I finally made up my mind that I would run as I was driving home from Indiana last July.  I immediately called Kris; you can't set a goal without telling someone to hold you accountable.  Kris decided that she was game as well.  It didn't take long before we had a Lancer team five strong of Lancer spouses committed to running the race!


I dove into training head first.  Because of my sweet little monkey girl, I knew that I would be doing the majority of my training on the treadmill while she napped.  Aside from occasionally sprinting to the sound of my screaming baby over the monitor, I found the training to be hugely therapeutic and a welcome stress reliever.  I followed the Hal Higdon "novice" schedule to the T until the day of the crash.  At that time running was the very last thing on my mind.


Frantically trying to keep my head above water, I gave myself permission to back out of the race.  I didn't want to add the feeling of failure to the already mixed bag of downer emotions that I was coping with.  I decided that I would run the 5K instead.


Last weekend, I joined up with the Lancer lady half marathon team to train on the Greenway trail.  They were ready to knock out their 10 miler, but I told myself I would just take Emmy for a brisk 3 mile jog.  That was until I got half a mile into running with the girls.  I was overcome with a new perspective.


Running (even up steep hills with a flat-wheeled stroller) is not hard.  What's hard is looking at the lifeless body of the man of your dreams; who to you, has always been larger than life.  What's hard is never again feeling your husband's touch or hearing his loving voice.  What's hard is the new fear associated with unexpected knocks on the door.  What's hard is wondering what the children you'll never have together would look like.  What's hard is assuming the role of mom and dad not just for a year, but for forever.  What's hard is that a yearlong countdown is extended, indefinitely.  Running is not hard.


So, I'm joining the other Lancer ladies in running the half marathon next weekend.  We are running in honor of our fallen. 


I hit the training hard this week, to make up for the 3 weeks that I missed and to prove to myself that I could do it.  Today was the 10K Sango Scamper.  On this beautiful fall morning, Emmy and I joined about 70 other people to run in a local church-run race to benefit Habitat for Humanity.  Emmy, still decked out in her flannel jammies and bed-head hair-do, shrieked as we came up behind other runners as if to say "move over, Mommy's coming through!"  Once she cleared us from the pack, she gave squeals of encouragement as we passed through the Tennessee country side (and left Kix cereal behind for hungry wildlife.)  Cub scouts manned a few folding tables with cups of water and a few elderly men cheered us on from their pickup trucks parked on the side of the windy road.  I relished the small-town charm of it all.


I was so taken with the scenery that I brought Emmy back to my favorite pathway this afternoon.  This time, I made sure to bring the camera...

I met up with one of Nick's buddies (whose wife made him rock a pink wig in honor of breast cancer awareness for the race).

These are for you, my Nick, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for new pics...

The very same look Nick gets on his face when he watches TV

A flair for the dramatic.

Silly girl!

I'm thinking they are going to be gray-blue?

Working on her crawl.

Enough with the pictures already!

Emmy playing in our dead grass.

Molly's ready for Halloween!

So is Darla!

Mouthful of leaves.

Melts my heart.

Twinkle Toes

Strangers frequently comment on how "happy" Emmy's feet are as she playfully kicks around in the Ergo pack, stroller, or shopping cart.  That observation was my inspiration for Emmy's Halloween costume this year: a ballerina.  Coming from a family with crafty seamstresses (well, Grandma and Aunt Jackie, Mom has lots of other talents ;)), I have ALWAYS looked forward to making my kids' Halloween costumes...Fortunately the ballerina costume wasn't overly involved because this project was pushed to the back burner until this week.  But, as of this afternoon, it is complete! :)

The first step: measuring our girl

She did everything she could to be "helpful."

Almost-no-sew tutu...Strips of tule tied to an elastic band!  

 Satin ballet slippers.

Please excuse the blurry picture, she was having great fun playing during her first "fitting."

 The view from my work station. :)

 Keeping busy while Mama works on the sewing machine. :)

Slipper fitting during lunchtime!

So dainty.

Caught red handed "calling Dada"

Ready for the big day!

10 months old, 7 months down and 1 MONTH UNTIL R&R!

Our little ray of sunshine has taken her job seriously over the last few weeks.  Emmy's zest for life is contagious; it's hard not to smile when she's around.  Her favorite game is tug-o-war with her spoon and sippy cup at meals times.  She holds either of these items out to me, with a cautious smile on her face, as she waits for me to "take the bait."  As soon as I do, she dissolves into giggles as we "fight" over her grimy flatware.  Thankfully, Emmy mostly likes to feed herself finger foods (although I think the mess is comparable to that when she uses a spoon).  One of her favorite foods is tofu, much to her Daddy's chagrin.  She began army crawling in the 48 hours I was away from her in Washington and has only become more proficient each day.  She pulls herself up to her knees, usually to reach the clicker, my phone or laptop--her three most coveted "toys."

We are beyond grateful to see the sixth month of this deployment come to a close, although we will always carry with us scars from the psychological battle wounds that came with it.  We had no idea what God had in store for us as we passed the halfway point; but then we never do, we just pray that it's nothing like this.

Since the accident, Nick has been working insanely long hours.  He is commanding the company and also completing the job of one of our fallen, Lieutenant Colonel Baldwin, overseeing one of the important mission sets.  There really is no ending point in sight to this arrangement, as there isn't anyone available who is qualified to take over either position.  He is taking it day by day, and has an incredible way of managing the stress that he's dealing with.  I am in awe of him, really.  Their mission sets are the same, despite the fact that they are now operating with one less aircraft and crew.  The big green machine stops for no one.

After returning home from the funerals last week, the emotion of it all washed over me completely.  I barely shed a tear at any of the funerals; and just as I was questioning my reaction (or lack thereof), it hit me.  All at once.  Sadness for my grieving friends and fear of Nick's own safety swept over me something fierce.  Nick and I have discussed that we don't have the luxury of falling apart, because his soldiers and my families are looking to us to keep them strong.  Any difficult situation that I have faced in my past pales in comparison to this, plain and simple.  But together, with God, we will prevail.

And in a little over one month, we will be together again.  It can't come fast enough.