Happy First Birthday to our Angel Girl!

No one could have prepared us for the amount of joy that our girl would bring into our lives or the intense love that we would feel for her.  It's hard to remember what life was like before Emmy's birth day, one year ago.  She is such an example of God's greatness, and is the most incredible blessing that He could ever bestow upon us.

Emmy's growth is right on target!  She weighed in at 20 pounds 13 ounces (46th percentile), she is 30.5 inches tall (90th percentile) and her head circumference is 46 centimeters (76th percentile).  Developmentally she is right where she should be as well!

She is scaling all of the furniture, and is becoming more brave, exploring new places each day.  She loves closing doors, dumping things out, being chased and playing tug o' war.  She gets a kick out of drinking her bath water and listening to any genre of music.  She has mastered the "all done" baby sign and is full of fun sounds, her current favorite being "at" (if only we knew what it meant!)  She has starting hugging my neck when I hold her (incredible!) and loves going down her new "treehouse" slide from Aunt Kerry!  She is ticklish in her armpits, the bottom of her feet and underneath her chin, but regularly giggles for no apparent reason. 

Emmy was so lucky to celebrate her big day with none other than the QUEEN of birthdays herself, Auntie Kristi and her wonderful brood.  When I had sad moments while away from Emmy (there were MANY), I kept thinking of the three little ones giggling uncontrollably over some wordless joke at the dinner table before my departure flight.  Emmy started her day with a "Happy Birthday to you" serenade from Andy and then an encore from Clairey!  Her wake-up call was a great indication of the special day that awaited her!  My incredible sister went out of her way to ensure that Nick and I felt a part of Emmy's birthday with lots of photo documentation:

 Rise and Shine, Birthday Girl!

 Andy LOVES to sing Happy Birthday!

Watching some TV while Auntie Kristi showers...She has handling 3 kiddos figured out!

 Emmy and her VERY OWN Elmo balloon!!!

 Auntie Kristi makes such yummy food!

 Playing in the snow in Andy's old snow gear!!!  First time sledding!! :)

The cutest pile of babies that I've ever seen!

 Decorating cookies!

 Emmy "decorating" cookies!  Looks like she's a fan of frosting.  A girl after my own heart.

 Emmy with the Birthday Queen AND Princess!

 I have always looked forward to bath pictures with all of our babies!  I wonder how many babies we can fit in that bath tub? :-P

Clairey insisted that they wear birthday hats while reading their bedtime story.  Clairey loves hats (her very favorite is her fireman hat!)

What a trip

Last year, as I was tucked into my hospital bed staring into the glistening eyes of my minutes-old baby, I found myself in my own happy little world.  365 days later, I found myself in a different kind of daze, standing in the gently falling snow, before yet another flag-draped coffin, listening to the all-too-familiar 21 gun salute and then the distant echo of taps.  On the day that I was to celebrate my baby's birth, SSG Dave Senft's mother was honoring her baby's death. 

While we have selfish tendencies with the best of them, Nick and I both try our best to lead a life of service; and we want the same for our family.  I have come to learn that serving others is not always comfortable or convenient, but that doesn't diminish the importance of following through.    

Making the decision to travel to Washington D.C. for SSG Dave Senft's funeral at Arlington National Cemetery on Emmy's birthday was easy to make yet not without plenty of discomfort.   

I have learned through experience that grieving families find a great deal of comfort in meeting all of the people whose lives were touched by their loved one.  Dave's family was no different.  Unfortunately, given the fact that most of his friends are still serving in Afghanistan, or were unable to travel to Arlington so close to the holidays, there were very few, if any, non-family members in attendance.  Knowing that was confirmation that Washington D.C. was where I needed to be on December 16th.

The day before, Emmy and I kept busy with her 12 month doctor's appointment, the 5 hour drive to Indy, joining the Sacksteders in dropping off dinner for the local fire department before I was due to fly to Washington that night.  I finally laid my head down on the hotel pillow just a few minutes shy of midnight.  After a seemingly short night of sleep, I was up to get ready to join the military escort and unit representative in the lobby so that we could go to the funeral home together.  There had been a visitation held the night before, but there would be no formal funeral service for Dave.  Matt (my Rear-Detachment Commander and the unit representative) and I followed the hearse through D.C. traffic and the gates of Arlington National Cemetery.

With a deep breath, we got out of the car, headed through the biting cold to the room where the Senft family was waiting.  I was very fortunate to meet with Dave's mother, wife, sisters, grandparents and aunt in the short period of time before we were due to process to the grave site.  They all were deeply appreciative of my support and Nick's visit over Thanksgiving.  The Casualty Assistance Officer told me that it was after Nick's visit that the family was able to start moving forward with making plans.  Truly a sign that Nick had done the right thing.

As we emerged from the building, we were greeted by falling snow.  It was beautiful.  Because of the way in which Dave had died (it wasn't in combat), the ceremony was a very simple one and lasted not much more than 15 minutes.  But, even in it's short duration, I have a very vivid image burned into my memory.

Once we returned to the car, I powered on my phone to realize that I had two missed phone calls from United Airlines.  My sinking feeling of impending doom was confirmed shortly thereafter when I learned that my flight a few hours later (to get home in time to see my sleeping birthday girl) was canceled due to weather and that I was rescheduled to leave the next morning.  It didn't take long for the tears to flow.  My two male soldier car mates weren't really sure what to do for me other than pat me on the back and promise me a nice dinner. 

With puffy eyes, I re-checked into my hotel room.  After updating Kris (who was busy making sure that Emmy had the best birthday ever) and decompressing with my Nick (who happened to call at the perfect time), I decided to go exploring.  I took the hotel shuttle bus to the metro station, hoping that it could be easily navigated (I am severely directionally challenged.)  Fortunately, my friend on the shuttle did not lead me astray, it was surprisingly not hard to find my way (probably because I didn't have to switch "lines" at all.)

I was on a mission to see the White House christmas tree.  I resurfaced from the underground Federal Triangle metro station, to a flurry of snow and a decent accumulation of the white stuff.  Very few others shared my bright idea, which left me with scarcely populated sidewalks.  After a few wrong turns and a short shopping excursion in the Old Post Office building, I spotted the hugest decorated evergreen at 1600 Pennsylvania.  Obama clearly knows how to do Christmas right! (I just realized that's the first compliment I've ever given him!)

I purchased an old-school disposable camera to document the occasion and the pictures will follow as soon as I use up the remaining 23 on the camera so that I can get them all developed.  No telling how long that will take, I can't remember the last time I "developed" pictures.  But I digress.

After some lunch, I hopped back on the metro to the Pentagon City stop where I was promised some good christmas shopping.  I got more christmas shopping done in 45 minutes at the Fashion Centre Mall than I did in the last three weeks in Clarksville.  Today was shaping up to be a highly productive day, even though I would have traded it a hundred times over to spend it with my girl.

Matt came through with his promise for a nice dinner.  I joined he and his cousin, Hallie, for steaks and wine at a delicious little place somewhere in D.C..  I can count the number of sit-down restaurant meals I have had in the last year on just one hand, so this was a special treat.  So was the toast they made to Emmy.  Which only made me start tearing up again.

I sat straight up in bed at 3am the next morning, worrying about what time I needed to arrange for a cab to the airport.  So I called the front desk.  They had it taken care of, yet I still had a concerned feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Rightfully so.  A cab finally showed up 40 minutes before my flight was due to depart.  Reluctantly, I called the airline to get on the next flight, feeling very disappointed to learn that it arrived to Indy several hours later that I'd planned (missing the special play group Kris had arranged as a celebration for Emmy's big day.)  When our cab pulled up to the airport at exactly 30 minutes prior to take-off, I decided to give it a go and attempt to get back on my 6am flight.  The gentleman at the ticketing counter said it would be fine, and quickly handed me my tickets as I took off sprinting towards security.  As I was about to hand over my ticket to the TSA guy, I noticed that the ticketing agent had printed off the later flight itinerary.  To make myself feel better, I was convinced that the gate agent could help me out, so I continued to forge ahead.  That was until they had to run my bags twice and manually check my suitcase because I apparently had too many travel sized toiletry containers (WHAT?!?!)  Crying and jumping up and down (I don't really know why my subconscious thought that would help), I begged the TSA bag checker guy to go quickly as I kept listening to the final boarding call announcements for the flight that I hoped to be on.

When he finally zipped my bag, I grabbed it and took off running to the gate.  Only to be met by a nasty gate agent who didn't want to hear my story and shut the door in my face. (Not really, but close.)  Feeling very defeated, I found Matt (who split a cab with me despite his much later flight time) and cried to him about my bad luck as he ate his breakfast.  Even though the Rear Detachment Commander's job is the pits, I don't feel too sorry for him because he's not deployed.  There again, I digress.

Some time later (I had 4 hours until I needed to board my flight), I came upon a dear old friend from Nick's West Point days...Wayne and his wife Keira!! We had lost touch over the last seven years, and they are now stationed in the D.C. area at Fort Myer!  What are the chances that we would be at the same gate, at the same terminal, at the same airport on the same day?!?  Our visit helped me to have a much more positive attitude about my travel drama.

At long last, I was finally reunited with my birthday girl.  Kris arranged for us to open presents and sing a belated happy birthday with cupcakes after dinner.  It was all that I could have hoped for it to be.  In the wee hours of the next morning, my wiggly one year old gave me a present of her own.  After waking up startled, she cuddled up and slept with me for almost two hours.  Emmy must've known that I needed to hold her, it was Heaven on earth.

Not My Week.

I apologize in advance, that there is nothing positive nor uplifting about this post (except for the cute Emmy pictures at the end :-P.)

This week didn't start well with the having to say goodbye to my Nick again.  I hate goodbyes.  I became entirely too comfortable having him home with us, almost to the point of forgetting the eight months that we'd already spent apart.  It's crazy how the mind can protect you from pain (perhaps this is why women are capable of going through childbirth repeatedly.)  My "sweet" girl added insult to injury in her decision to pitch a giant fit on the way home from the airport.  I guess I did a poor job pretending that my nerves weren't already shot; she clearly picked up on my bummer mood and was attempting to out do me.

The day only worsened when I got a phone call from a "restricted" number (which is typically Nick's office phone), but this time it was a hysterical Lancer spouse on the other end.  Her grandmother, that she had not spoken to in 4 years, had died, her estranged family had not informed her until after the funeral; and her husband, who she's considering divorcing because of an affair he had on her last summer, is not answering their Afghani cell phone.  Yep, I fit that all into one sentence.  She hoped that I could make arrangements for him to call her.  If only I had the direct line to Afghanistan that she thinks I have, I would be one very happy woman.  My pity party quickly turned into a phone therapy session, and retreating to my, now empty, bed was postponed.

I woke up late the next morning, which meant I had to swing into high gear to get us out of the house on time.  Emmy fought me tooth and nail as I tried to ready for "preschool."  At which time, the dogs assumed their favored positions in only my most stressed out moments: Molly pulling on one pant leg and Darla humping the other.  Overstimulated doesn't begin to describe the feeling.  Then, I accidentally left the door open to the garage when I ran to the bathroom which led to my adventurous child tumbling down the steps to the garage floor.  She was unharmed but shaken.  That made two of us.

If only I had time to crawl back in bed to start the day over, I would have.

Later, as I was mindlessly listening to Christmas music, in an effort to shake my funk, and zooming to my next appointment, I got a speeding ticket.  Lovely.

Just after I finished updating mom on my terrible-no-good-very-bad-day, and genuinely believing her when she said that things could only get better, I ran over a squirrel.  The sight of any road kill makes my heart hurt, but the thought of being a squirrel murderer was just more than I could take.  I had just committed involuntary vehicular manslaughter; which made me a criminal behind the wheel twice in one week.  So, I lost it.  And then I called Kris.  Thankfully God nudged me to call her for a very good reason, because she offered me great insight.  Kris helped me to realize the very distinct possibility that the squirrel was terminally ill and I just expedited his inevitable demise.  I could live with that.  Even though I will forever be haunted by the rearview mirror image of that sweet little squirrel plastered to the road.

Later that day, while Emmy and I were having a lovely dinner with Lindsey, Molly, Kristy and Greyson, I get another phone interruption.  It's from the previously mentioned spouse whose dog's eye is now protruding from her head.  She didn't have money to pay the vet bill because her frisky husband has left her name off of their accounts.  I spend another hour on the phone with her later in the evening as we recount the dog crisis and revert back to her family's unsavory behavior in the wake of her grandma's death.

The rest of the week has been without a break between SSG Josh Powell's Eagle Remembrance Ceremony, Darla's overdue teeth cleaning, catching up on everything I let go while Nick was home, and Christmas and FRG meeting preparations.  It's all been way harder and more complicated than it should be.  

Two of the envelopes with crash memory bracelets inside that I mailed to our family members arrived torn open sans bracelets.

We had the greatly anticipated Video Teleconference Meeting/Holiday gathering yesterday for our soldiers and their families, and we had a whopping 8 people in attendance (and two of them were Nick and I).  So glad I was up all hours of the night getting ready for it. 

No sooner had I plopped down on the couch after our less-than-stellar meeting, did my phone ring.  This time with a new mommy spouse who is having a hard time shaking the baby blues, which isn't being helped by the fact that her nephew drowned 3 weeks ago.

And now my child has her first fever.

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me humble.

Emmy helping me decorate our downstairs tree.

 I got some great advice to decorate a small tree that Emmy can't reach to risk pulling over on herself.

Emmy takes after her Papa Odell with fantastic morning bed head 'dos! :)

Best. Two Weeks. Ever.

D-Day Part 2

IN THE HOME STRETCH

 Missing him already.

Resting and Relaxing

Nick snuck out to run a couple of errands while Emmy naps this afternoon and I thought I would jump on this opportunity to update the blog!  I don't want to forget a single moment of this time we have together.  It's hard to believe that he's already been here for 10 days; it has been going by so quickly (as we knew it would).  He leaves in the early afternoon on Monday the 6th.  Until then, we have plans to bask in our family togetherness.

It didn't take Emmy long to warm up to Nick when he first arrived.  She was guarded for the first couple of hours, but, thankfully, she didn't shed a tear.  Nick was so careful not to maul her over with excitement when he first embraced us, because he knew that would probably scare her.  I credit her easy transition to Nick's incredible self discipline!  His first meal outside the airport was a Chipotle carnitas burrito, a meal he's been craving for months.  After stuffing ourselves silly with such Mexican deliciousness, we headed home.  As soon as Emmy saw her toys, all was well in the world and it was as if Dada had never left. :)

Nick adopted our routine, which only helped Emmy to maintain her happy disposition.  His first morning home, Nick jumped out of bed at the first sound of her voice at half past 5.  We proceeded to watch her Daddy story and Sesame Street music videos as a family while she devoured her morning bottle.  I took mental snapshots of Nick holding Emmy tightly and smelling her hair as she was deeply engrossed in her shows.  He waited so patiently for this; it warmed my heart to witness it.

We saw so many of our friends at church on Sunday and even more when we swung by church group that night.  In the first few days, we enjoyed the simplicity of running errands together and holding our FRG meeting at the local coffee shop.  We took Emmy to a park near Nashville to play on the swings and go down the slide, we took a rainy walk at the Greenway, and have spent hours just talking about the thousands of topics that didn't make the cut in our brief phone calls all those months.

We traveled to California on Thanksgiving Day, and were overjoyed that not too many others had the same idea.  Our first flight was pretty light on passengers which enabled us to bring Emmy's carseat on board (thank you, Lord!) The second, nearly 4 hour flight, was full (of course.)  Nick had the brilliant idea that we should hold Emmy tightly as if she was restrained in her carseat when she got wiggly during the flight.  She fought him at first, but it wasn't long before she relented and cuddled into him to watch "Elmo's Christmas Countdown."  If only we had figured out that trick a couple of hours earlier, we might've saved ourselves some mental anguish and much-needed energy. :-P  There are no flies on our child, she is most definitely a mover and a shaker.  We arrived on time, grabbed our rental car and headed to the east bay for a huge family Thanksgiving at the Horn's house.

We were greeted by our families (minus Grant and Kris et al.) and were able to "break bread" at one table.  We certainly have many things to be thankful for this year; topping the list is good health and our togetherness.  After a delicious turkey dinner with all the trimmings (and divine pumpkin cheesecake), we called it a night and headed back to our hotel to give our happy little peanut a break.  She blew us both away with her staying power after such a long and sleepless day.

Friday morning came early, although I believe Emmy's exhaustion from our travel day played a significant role in her smooth adaptation to the two hour time difference.  After we dropped Dada off with his family for a day of golf and poker games, Emmy and I headed over to my parents' house for some more Emmy-friendly fun. :)  Namely, riding in the stroller while Mom and I window shopped at Blackhawk Plaza.  Oh how I miss bay area shopping!  After a couple of solid naps, a few more errands, some playtime with Mimi and Papa, and a wildly successful first taste of chinese take-out, Emmy and I retreated to our hotel for bedtime.  Nick joined us late than night after a fun day on the green, a successful poker game, a late-night Chipotle "snack," and lots of quality catch-up time with his family.

Saturday, we headed back to my parents' house where Nick was greeted at the door by my overjoyed sister.  With tear-filled eyes, Kris nearly tackled him to the floor.  Kris has been there with me every step of the way this deployment, and is keenly aware of the significance of this R&R for both Nick and I.  I am just grateful we could spend what little time together that we had!  Shortly thereafter, Aunt Kerry joined the party!  What a fantastic way to kick off our day!  We couldn't stay long because we needed to jet to Nick's parents' house to visit with Aunt Sandy and cousin, Laura.  We were so happy to finally introduce them to our Emmy, and considered ourselves very fortunate that our trips happened to coincide.:)  After a late brunch, we headed over to visit with Carl and Ashley and to meet their 5 day old, sweet baby Greta!  It was so wonderful to see their arms filled with such a gorgeous little bundle of love!  From there, we raced back to my parents' house to get Emmy situated for the night, and to gather our things (and Kris!!) for our big night out in San Francisco for my 10 year high school reunion!

Alisha and I began talking about reunion plans over a year ago; it was so hard to believe that the big night was finally here!  The reunion would not have happened without Alisha's incredible knack for party-planning, and her unwavering friendship that caused her to carry my load as well after our September nightmare.  I owe my amazing husband a huge thank you, too, for his patience and understanding as I got myself wrapped up in the check-in table :-P.  I was so excited to greet all of my classmates as they walked in the door, but it wasn't the most conducive place to enjoy my hubby's company.  It's a good thing that my Nick is such a social guy because he made lots of friends that night!  It was one heck of a party!  There was still a crowd when we left at 2am!  To me, that screams "SUCCESS!"  :-D  I was so very happy to have had the chance to spend time with so many people that I care so much about!

We met Sunday morning a bit reluctantly, mostly because neither of us got nearly as much sleep as we needed.  We hurried home to our baby girl and Nick left directly from there to drive to the Modesto area where he (bravely) met with the mother, stepfather and sister of his latest casualty.  SSG David Senft committed suicide, despite Nick's intervention, on November 15th.  It was a difficult meeting to have, but David's parents couldn't have been more welcoming.  Nick quickly learned that what they really wanted was to tell him all about their son.  I think, much like every obstacle that has happened during this deployment, it will take some time to process this experience.  Nick was relieved by how smoothly the meeting went.

Sunday night, my parents hosted a taco feast in celebration of Emmy's impending 1st birthday!  Emmy soaked up all of the attention that she was getting from both of her families.  Quite the enviable predicament for an attention hound like our Emmy!  I would say, all in all, her favorite part was cake and ice cream, though.  She inhaled her cake and allowed Nick to feed her ice cream from a spoon, which is not something she has been amenable to in quite some time (spoon feeding that is).  I think one of her 6 teeth might be of the "sweet" variety.

After bath time and presents, Emmy and I turned in while my Nick joined his family for a late-night movie outing.  My man knows how to fill a day! :)

Monday was just beautiful!  Nick and I took our girl on a walk to Blackhawk Plaza where we fed the ducks and enjoyed a fun lunch out!  Later that night, we joined up with Nick's parents, Ben and Eliana for a "last supper" at Primo's in downtown Danville and recounted the trip's events.  It was certainly an appropriate way to end our time in California.

Emmy did as well as a sleepy baby could do on the plane yesterday.  She had a strong finish after her second 45 minute nap.  We were so grateful to get home and re-settled into our groove.  It was so nice to wake up with nothing on the calendar but spending time together!

I am still marveling at Nick's reflection next to mine in the bathroom mirror as we brush our teeth before bed.  I have dreamt him to be there for so long, I regularly feel the need to pinch myself as a reminder that it's real.  I am savoring everything about him, because I know that it wont be long before he's gone again.  Although we are trying our best not to dwell on that reality.

 Home from the airport!

 Reading stories!

 "Helping" Dada vacuum up her lunch mess.

Dada has a much bigger baby to bathe now.

 Watching Dada ready her stories on his first morning home...

 ...She is VERY happy about it!

 Riding on Dada's shoulders! Dada is WAY more fun than Mama!

 Having way too much fun eating with Dada.

 I love these two.

 Emmy giving a giant teddy bear a hug at Poppy and Grammie Horn's house

 Reunion Night!

 Emmy's 1st Birthday dinner!

 Emmy and Great Grandpa Jack

 Uncle Jamie!

 First taste of ice cream!

 Cake and ice cream went over BIG!!

 Bath time!

 Feeding the ducks at Blackhawk Plaza!

Our three little scavengers!